You are about to lose your load!! Barenaked Ladies are coming to Everett!!
Date: Sunday November 26 Cost: $30 - $57.50 (otherwise known as the best use of 50 dollars ever. Even better than paying extra to get a bicycling helmet painted like Lance Armstrong's.
The only questions remaining are: 1) how many tickets do each of you want? 2) Can Blair get his Explorer back so we all can take one car?
Ok. So about a week ago I started listening to KJR. Mitch in the Morning is pretty damn funny.
But I got in my car yesterday around noon, my radio was on 950, and I got to listen to the biggest piece of radio shit ever:
Fucking awful. Have you listened to any of his radio shit sober? Apparently, the Huskies are a force to be reckoned with. I can appreciate being a fan of your team, and being optomistic, but when it comes unfounded fanaticism, I can't stand it. The Huskies have NO chance of beating USC. they are making strides, but are nowhere near good. 248 yards of total offense is dick, especially in college football against a crappy team. He gives real meaning to the term "Homer."
Plus, look at the guy:
Like I want to be getting "analysis" from a fat piece of shit. If he's not smart enough to be healthy and not look like jabba the hut, he's probably not smart enough to provide insight about football.
Like a Phoenix, today we hope the blog can rise out of the ashes of suckiness and start fresh.
A lot has happened in the week since the blog went "blah."
1) Phippy, despite his promise (and contrary to my expectations), has not posted anything 2) Bobbo and Seanos, despite being worse GMs than Bavasi, go 3-0 in Fantasy Football 3) Donovan picks the best name on the blog ever 4) Linecutter still can't take time out of his busy schedule of hating gays, minorities and liberals (but try figuring out his love for Amador). 5) Darky slept for 11.5 hours while we were camping 6) Bendermenz became Utube #2, and blair, who three weeks ago complained about people throwing up videos on the blog with one line of comment, did it twice
But I leave you with this question: "After reading the first paragraph this article, what two things do Blair and David Wells have in common?"
Fuck you Brian, I can hate Oregon and Nike. This was worse than the Superbowl and it might have something to do with the replay official being a Nike employee.
Oh yeah, did I forget to mention FUCK YOU BRIAN?!?
Alright, I'm following the lead of Phipps and Vanos. I'm done. Bendermenz has gone way too Gamas & Rawls ( feelings, feelings, feelings ... emotions, emotions, emotions). Plus, it's way more lame and stale than a joke about Gamas. I forgot this blog isn't about having a sense of humor about ourselves, but is instead a collection of links.
In honor of Dave asking us to roll the dice on sending him our Social Security Numbers, (and his choice to go bareback on capital hill), I have another bet.
That's Blair's new phone. How long until he breaks or loses it? I'm guessing two months (face scratched within a week) primarily because he's not using his boat enough to have a high risk of dropping it in the water. But there are other ample opportunities.
Small bets, please. I'll set the date at November 18th.
I am currently really close to getting assigned permanently my own branch with Bank of America. I really need some help on closing a checking account gap that we have. I need to hit as many checking accounts by the end of the week in order for me to remain where I am and get assigned permanently. If anyone wants a Bank of America account or a 2nd one for online shopping, rainy day etc., please help me out. I can get some tshirts for ya or some free money (not sure how much, but it will be something). What I would need from you is your full legal name, SS#, Birthday, address and driver's license number. I will make sure to hook y'all up with the BofA gold account for free (which is the best account, normally need 10k to have it).
Huskies are 2 and 1 and have as many home wins as the last two seasons already and look like they're able to get a few more before the end of the season.
As I said yesterday to Softy on the air yesterday, "you have to give credit where credit is due, and Isaiah Stanback had his best game of his career yesterday."
It's true, I will admit that Stanback played pretty well yesterday, mostly, I believe, due to quick decision making and using his speed very well. It does not mean that I am convinced that this team will win with him, nor do I believe that other Isaiah critics spoke too soon; however, he deserves to get another start next week. That said, he needs to work on throwing the ball and the receivers need to work on catching it. Stanback had some terribly underthrown and flat-out ugly balls, but the receivers didn't help him out dropping some of the good ones.
Anyhow, good game. Things are better on Montlake this year and there looks like there is some light at the end of the tunnel.
Game Grades:
Stanback: B (great for him)
WR's: C+ (some good plays, plenty of bad)
O-line: B (good protection for Stanback--sacked once, no holes for the backs)
RB's: D (non-factors)
D-line: C (not enough pressure--no sacks)
Linebackers: F (not sure if they made it to the game, never saw them)
Secondary: B (had to make too many stops with D-line and linebackers not stopping anyone)
Special Teams: A (big block to win the game)
Pac-10 Power Rankings
1. USC....it would be total bullshit if they don't get sanctions for Reggie Bush payments. 2. Oregon...fucking hate them, Jonathan Stewart--really hate him. Gay uniforms. 3. ASU....Who cares. 4. UCLA...Next week's opponent has played some weak teams. 5. Cal....Tedford eats balls. 6. WSU....Battle in Seattle is sooooo overrated--even though it is not rated. 7. UW...."Win good. Band day bad!"--Phipps 8. Arizona....Don't know. 9. OSU....Beavs suck. 10. Stanford....get one win free team.
While looking for a job I found this job listing If you don't take them up on it, well then you suck. When was the last time you got paid in beer to be famous? Jeremy, Scott, Blair you have to have extra time on your hands and maybe Vanos could even find some time.
Or at least do something about the blog. because if Darkness (probably the busiest of us all) can take time to post, then everyone can. and if people aren't wanting to, it's either from laziness or thinking the blog sucks. If it's laziness, then we are fucked. but what can we do to make it better?
Get your collective shit in a pile and get the fuck down to Vegas for more drunken debauchary then you can handle. I know that Viper has been checking out tickets and he has a companion ticket to work with. My new job has been kicking my ass so I haven't had time to post anything.
So I'm going on my run (you know, I run. I actually run a lot - so much that you guys probably don't even comprehend how much I run), and I'm in minute 40 of a 41 minute run (I've run longer, but this is my "short run" for the week), and there's an event at the Cyclorama that has something to do with the Johnny Walker fake indy car.
So there are a couple of guys kind of standing around it, kind of just looking around, and I see one pudgy-looking guy that has a goatee and a salmon-colored shirt and it's Michael Andretti!
I kept running (you know, because I was feeling so strong... Even after 40 minutes, I felt so strong!) all the way to my house to get something for him to autograph, but alas... No Formula One memorabilia.
So Michael Andretti will have to live on in my memory.
For those of you who were frightened by Ralph Macchio (Jason), your worst nightmare is about to come true.
That's right! The darlings are going to become Karate Masters!! Holy shit!! On the cool list of things they've done, it ranks right up with this:
What exactly will the SuperDuperFriends learn? Well, you can bet this manuever will be one of them:
The main question is: Is this going to save blair from getting killed at a bar, or will it only embolden him? More importantly, will the sidekick get in so much trouble that Master Asspony will have to come to his rescue.
I would like to tip my hat to Colby who decided to start Steve Smith and Eli Manning this week instead of Laveranues Coles and Donovan McNabb resulting in a 28 point swing my way, thus giving me the 23 point win. For those of you who are wondering who the lowest point scorer was this week, that designation goes to, you guessed it, COLBY with 40 points! Starting such legends as RB LaMont Jordan (no points), WR Lee Evans (who?--2 points), Keyshawn Johnson (4 points), Colby took me to the wire, but luckily for me I was able to hold on for the win.
High Scorer was Vanos' Humbolt Hippies with a whopping 90 points edging out Phipps' Green Gauchos big-time 81 points. Good game.
Player of the Week goes to the Bears D/ST (owned by Vanos) who scored 29 points.
---alert!---logo change!---alert!----
Just in case you were ordering your shirts in time for the holidays, Redmond Crocs introduce a NEW and IMPROVED, WAY-COOL LOGO! Don't be the last person on your block to get the new edition to the 2006 Defending Champions of the Colby/Blair Cup Rivalry Game! This year's 63-40 win for the Crocs over the Suck Me Beautifuls was an epic battle for the ages. Commemorate the occasion with your own personal replica jersey!
Former Superbowl MVP Deion Branch is in. Rate this move.
Seahawks Front Office: A+
With D-Jack ailing and bitching and Burleson not looking spectacular, the Seahawks made a big move to land a guy that could step in and immediately claim the #1 spot. A late first round pick v. a proven young vet locked up long term. I will take the vet every time!
-I really like the new Nike Football ads. Have you heard of these? Have you seen these? They mesh NFL'ers and celebs into a high school football team. It has the feel of Varsity Blues and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ads that I don't like:
-McDonalds ads. They are so fucking stupid. Their radio ads make me want to rip the fucking radio out of my dashboard. The one where a guy sings about the dollar menu helps him save money so he doesn't have to "steal from friends and seem like a leach" makes me want to kick the guys who wrote it, sang it, okayed it, and paid for it right in their pea sized testis. It reminds me of a funny Simpsons episode (so it was like 10-15 years ago) where Homer meets a guy and ask him what his job is and the guy says, "I write radio commercials" and Homer slugs him in the face and it drops him to the floor. The guy gets up and says, "I get that a lot." That's how I feel.
-Banner Bank. They still play the Bucky Jacobsen ad. Big Leaguer my ass, half a cup of coffee doesn't make a hometown hero. Colby wrote more about this earlier but I can't link it because our old stuff is no longer available, which is bullshit.
Let's move on...
-Isaiah Stanback is a terrible fucking QB. If he plays like he did yesterday against Fresno St. (win or lose) and is named the starter for the UCLA game, we'll need to fire Willingham. He is the worst QB in UW history since Casey Paus (they're tied).
-People that don't separate their recyclables are giant pieces of shit. There is a garbage strike and my complexes garbage hasn't been picked up for over a week and it's starting to spill over the sides of the dumpster. The bullshit is the recycling isn't getting picked up and the bins are virtually empty. Some jackass that just moved in put all his cardboard boxes in the dumpster without the simple courtesy of breaking them down. Empty recycle bins/dumpster full of cardboard boxes--doesn't add up. Being the good citizen/tenant I broke them down.
-Tomorrow's Headline: Fox's new pre/post game show is not only absurd but it's RACIST! For those of you that didn't tune in it's three old white guys and Joe Buck. The eye, being lazy, isn't drawn to these big, blank, white spaces. How bad is this crew? Joe Buck is a total dork and should stick to baseball, Jimmy Johnson is a twit, Howie Long is a fag, Raider and as dumb as his Radio Shack ads, and Terry Bradshaw...southern coot is a compliment.
ESPN is as bad. Michael Irvin is an idiot.
-Keep those comments flyin' again this week, big blog the last couple of weeks.
Lately, things have been pissing me off. Here's a list:
1) Tom Huntler, or however the fuck you spell his name. The guy who does Mariners promos. What a fucking dipshit that guy is. I turn the radio every time I hear him.
2) Entercom. Fuck Entercom. Besides this piece of shit who is coasting on his last name, I mostly blame Entercom for the shittiness that is radio. First, they shut down my favorite radio station in Portland, host to the the best radio show I've ever heard. Then, they shut down 100.7 the buzz. Now if I want to listen to Miles and Thrill, I have to risk listening to this guy sing "Dude looks like a lady." Plus, now I can't listen to this show live anymore. Fuck Radio. And fuck blair for having XM or whatever it is.
3. Seattle pedestrians. They are stupid and inconsiderate. It's because of them that only three cars can turn left on a light when no cars are coming the other way.
4. Parking on Capital Hill. Who knew so many homeless people had cars.
5. Speaking of cars, Ford. How about not making a shitty product for once. When was the last time you made a car that wasn't way worse than the competition? When the Model T came out?
6. Jason, for thinking that it's ok for oil companies to pass the "extra cost" onto the consumer. which would make a lot of sense, if the raised price of gasoline was in some recognizable proportion to the raise cost of production, but it isn't. Plus, they are essentially a public utility, crucial to the economy. they should be regulated like electricity and water companies.
7. The ripped homosexual kid in my Con Law class who answers every question by quoting directly from the text or opinion. Great legal analysis, shitcock. I doubt Linecutter's favorite political group is paying your tuition to learn how to recite.
8. My kitchen. For not cleaning itself.
9. Jason's bathroom scale. I weigh myself before I use the restroom, and then after. and it doesn't show any different. But man, do I feel different.
I've been working a lot the past few weeks on an apartment deal in Las Vegas, and it looks like my company is going to purchase the property. Trouble is, we want to rename it once the sale is final, but I need a name.
So, I thought I'd ask you all for ideas. I want to avoid gay names that sound like every other apartment deal in every other city.
I'd enjoy both humorous and serious suggestions. You won't actually win anything, but you will have the satisfaction of knowing that a name you picked will be on a pretty big property in Sin City and I'll send everyone a picture of it and the signs if you pick the best name. Ideas?
What the hell is the world coming to where the father of a little league football player tackles an opposing player after that player had a late hit on his son? Looking at his picture, this guy definitely ended up in the shallow end of the gene pool, either that or just got out of jail. Just watch the video.
To everyone who went to the Kanye West/Blue Sholars Concert: Thanks, I had a blast. We should do stuff without Asspony more often! By the way. It's been a while since I checked "the blog" and WOW! Blair, you're doing a great job at posting.
As some of you already know, Scott's co-worker and everyone's buddy Donovan (shown above) has started up a fantasy league. I noticed many of you have been invited but have not joined. Others of you may not have been invited, but there is room and I am sure he'd be glad to add you. Email Scott if you haven't been invited or you deleted your email invite and he can pass it on to Donovan (I won't add emails on this post for security).
This will be better than the baseball fantasy league for many reasons:
A. This is an espn.com league, which is infinitely better than yahoo groups leagues--I know from experience, way more user friendly. B. Fantasy football is so much easier to keep up with even with a busy schedule. Log on Tuesday mornings and make most of your corrections, depth charts, trades, FA pickups, etc. and keep up sporadically through the week depending on injuries or whatever. It is not an everyday job like baseball fantasy. C. This league will also have an auto-draft, but you are more assured of getting good players at every position, it's not a craps-shoot like baseball. Plus there will be plenty of free agents after the draft to make moves with. D. Asspony is not in charge of this league. E. I will personally get a trophy and award the winner of the league at my apartment during my Superbowl party.
Hopefully this is cool with Donovan, I didn't check with him before posting this, but I am sure it is. I love fantasy football, but I haven't been in a league for a couple of years now and we need everyone to log-in before the auto draft on Wednesday. Get it done Tuesday morning so we have a big league for the start of the season on Thursday!
Despite this CNN headline, Al Qaeda had nothing to do with the 'Croc Hunter's' death yesterday.
I do believe, however, that his death by a Stingray sting to the heart had something to do with animal abuse karma. Not many people live too long making careers off of mishandling and traumatizing wild animals. I will give him credit for knowing a lot about alligators, snakes and crocodiles, but that's not why he was famous. He was famous because he acted like a retard and he jumped on vicious, wild animals. There was no real educational value to his show other than it made other idiots believe they too could be as stupid as he was, thus cleansing the gene pool. But bad habits die hard and I have no doubt that his children, although young, will someday follow in his footsteps. Lets just hope they, like their father, meet the same fate, but this time before they breed.
Not surprised by this news. I am only surprised other celebrities haven't had the same kind luck like:
Lindsey Lohan--although hot, utterly worthless. Paris Hilton--not technically a celebrity, but also utterly worthless. Tom Cruise--utterly insane. Michael Jackson--completely insane.
I may sound harsh, but these people are why the terrorists hate us. These are typical Americans to them.
.................................
Editor's note:
Since 1860 (yes eighteen-hundred sixty) there has been only 17 deaths world-wide from death by Stingray. I guess he hit the death lottery, just goes to show you never underestimate your opponent.
So, the Huskies won today, even though we gave up 323 yards, 28 of 35 passing, and 3 TD to their statiscally unimpressive (and shity) QB. This could be another long season if something doesnt change in the defense(this guy looked as though he was on another planet) !! Anyway, we won, but our pass defense sucks ass and something needs to be changed before I see Adrian Peterson run all over our ass next weekend!! Your thoughts...
I am this close to getting in my car and personally kicking all of your asses because you're all unoriginal pieces of shit! A half-ass attempt at a post a week would be good, but NOOOO I can't even expect that from you! What the fucking hell?!?!? I would rather watch "Cold Pizza"--quite pssibly the worlds dumbest show--than read the blog right now. I blame most of you.
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